fight or flight

It's that time of the night again, when everything quietens down around me. Sometimes I would think about past events and recollect memories past. Believe me, I'm not that old to have so many things to think about and recall.
Tonight, I recalled my final semester in uni where I needed to clear 10 modules to graduate. This was really because I failed too many modules in year 3, most of my friends were taking 4 modules and I was stuck with 10. I recall how I consulted some seniors and asked them if I should just extend my time in uni and take less modules. It was an easy choice really, since I was running out of money. I decided to take a chance and went for the 10 module option. (Which was really crazy.) I remembered having 4 12 hour days, going back to hall totally zombie-fied choking from information overload. In the end, I survived it and managed to graduate on time.
I never felt so focused and determined to study and lest I rob God of the glory, I did feel an invisible hand guiding me during that time. Thank God for granting me such a miracle because I wouldn't have been able to study like the madman that I was during that last 6 months of uni.
I must say I never really enjoyed those times and for those close to me would know that I was probably one of the unhappiest people at the convocation. I never ran around to take photos with my classmates or took a family photo in my graduation gown. In essence, I never considered myself to have graduated and in many ways I felt like I failed.
If I had another shot at it, I would try to enjoy my education this time. I would study for the love of knowledge and not for fear of the ramifications that might follow should I fail. I would learn to manage my time better and not goof around all the time.
These lamentations may sound like regrets but really, they helped form the person that I am and in a way, I'm glad for it. I wouldn't want to turn back time and redo these events again. But should an opportunity come by for me to get another education, I would do it, and this time, I'll make it right.